the semester is almost over and i can't believe we survived to be honest.
it has gotten a lot better, but i resent the fact that he is spending is winter break several states away and we wont be able to hang out and have fun together. it's like, i've put up with him all semester and we've been fighting and caring for each other, and when he finally gets a break, we wont be able to enjoy it together and it will just start all over again.
i put two and two together the other day, that senators dont live in the same state all the time, it's split between living in the state and in DC and family becomes separated. that was a huge blow to the face and i am questioning whether or not i can be with someone like that.
he's been really good at trying, but i feel like its not enough some times. i feel like this relationship is convinent and not something either of us are really really into.
i hung around the law school all day yesterday and wondered what all the hype is.
blah.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
wave of emotions
ah, fall. ah, midterms. i can tell my guy is more stressed out than usual. i'm finding that he's hurting my feelings more often than not, even when i try to distance myself so he can get more studying in.
rant: i know law school is a TON TON TON of work, i know that it requires SO much studying, reading, preparing, writing and concentration. I know that there's not a lot of free time, and what free time there is, most students want to either get ahead or veg out and do nothing.
but it still sucks being in second place all the time. i wish he'd budget a little more "girlfriend" time into his schedule. i've really been trying to keep myself busy, ESPECIALLY during the week because sun night-thurs night are his busiest days. so when i'm gone from 8am to 10:30pm and haven't seen him all day, yeah, i expect a little attention. and when i get home exhausted but happy to see him at 10:30 and i don't even get a hug, but a full on description of how his school rankings went up and a wave in the face basically saying "go away and find something to do, i have to study" all in a 5 minute time period, then yes. my feelings WILL get hurt and he should expect that.
that being said, he slept alone last night for the first time in several months. I was asking for ten minutes of his time. 10 minutes to put the law stuff aside and realize, hey! i have an awesome girlfriend who is trying to support me. maybe i should ask her about HER day and give her a hug and appreciate that she's supportive.
nope. i get a wave in the face, a "you can do that when i'm asleep" (when i play with his hair/ear) and so i walked away. and when he was ready for bed, he let me know and said, you know where to find me.
so nope. i have no sympathy for him being confused when he came into the kitchen and said, "why'd you sleep in the other room?"
for a law student, he can be pretty dense sometimes.
in conclusion: i KNOW the law student has tons on his/her shoulders. I respect the fact that they have signed thier life away to the library etc. I am proud of him for sticking with it, and I appreciate that he tries to make time on the weekend for relaxing and fun. I support him fully in what he's doing. but that does NOT mean that it's okay to take advantage of all the above and not appreciate what he's got in front of him.
i wish I had some fellow law school widows/girlfriends to share with. it's a very lonely battle over here.
rant: i know law school is a TON TON TON of work, i know that it requires SO much studying, reading, preparing, writing and concentration. I know that there's not a lot of free time, and what free time there is, most students want to either get ahead or veg out and do nothing.
but it still sucks being in second place all the time. i wish he'd budget a little more "girlfriend" time into his schedule. i've really been trying to keep myself busy, ESPECIALLY during the week because sun night-thurs night are his busiest days. so when i'm gone from 8am to 10:30pm and haven't seen him all day, yeah, i expect a little attention. and when i get home exhausted but happy to see him at 10:30 and i don't even get a hug, but a full on description of how his school rankings went up and a wave in the face basically saying "go away and find something to do, i have to study" all in a 5 minute time period, then yes. my feelings WILL get hurt and he should expect that.
that being said, he slept alone last night for the first time in several months. I was asking for ten minutes of his time. 10 minutes to put the law stuff aside and realize, hey! i have an awesome girlfriend who is trying to support me. maybe i should ask her about HER day and give her a hug and appreciate that she's supportive.
nope. i get a wave in the face, a "you can do that when i'm asleep" (when i play with his hair/ear) and so i walked away. and when he was ready for bed, he let me know and said, you know where to find me.
so nope. i have no sympathy for him being confused when he came into the kitchen and said, "why'd you sleep in the other room?"
for a law student, he can be pretty dense sometimes.
in conclusion: i KNOW the law student has tons on his/her shoulders. I respect the fact that they have signed thier life away to the library etc. I am proud of him for sticking with it, and I appreciate that he tries to make time on the weekend for relaxing and fun. I support him fully in what he's doing. but that does NOT mean that it's okay to take advantage of all the above and not appreciate what he's got in front of him.
i wish I had some fellow law school widows/girlfriends to share with. it's a very lonely battle over here.
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
six weeks down
I took a trip out of town recently and when i got back, i quickly realized that absence really does make the heart grow fonder. when I got home, I was greeted by a happy boyfriend who made a pie and bought me a flower :)
I feel bad for him, he hides his stress well but WOW does he have a lot to do. I mean, I know he's got tons of reading, but now he's got writing assignments and group projects on top of all of that. Today will be a stressful day for him. I'm making myself scarce at work and at meetings so he can have the house quiet and to himself. Hopefully he can just get through today and tomorrow so he can relax this weekend (and in return, I can have happy boyfriend for the weekend).
He mentioned this morning, "i'm really sick of people asking me how law school is." I can imagine, but it's just people showing interest in what he's doing. After telling him this, I had to laugh at his response.
"it's just as hard as everyone says it is. so stop asking."
case-in-point.
I feel bad for him, he hides his stress well but WOW does he have a lot to do. I mean, I know he's got tons of reading, but now he's got writing assignments and group projects on top of all of that. Today will be a stressful day for him. I'm making myself scarce at work and at meetings so he can have the house quiet and to himself. Hopefully he can just get through today and tomorrow so he can relax this weekend (and in return, I can have happy boyfriend for the weekend).
He mentioned this morning, "i'm really sick of people asking me how law school is." I can imagine, but it's just people showing interest in what he's doing. After telling him this, I had to laugh at his response.
"it's just as hard as everyone says it is. so stop asking."
case-in-point.
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
one month down, a million to go
I realized that I totally neglected this blog until I checked it today and had two comments!
I'll give a short re-cap. My guy started law school and after the first week, I realized just how different things were going to be. We live together, so for better or for worse, we're both around a lot. The first two to three weeks were the hardest. I would get home from work and want to talk and cuddle and hang out like we always did before. But he would be studying, moody, distant and needed quiet. I understood that, and it got to a point where I was literately hiding in my house because i felt he was angry and stressed all the time. I'd come home and hide out in my room and read, or purposely make plans so I wouldn't be home until after 8 or 9 at night, giving him a few hours to himself. I felt resentful that the time I had with him had been compromised so much.
I knew that he would have to study, and that it would take up most of his time. But I had no idea how drastic of a change it would be. Granted, we've been friends for over 5 years, lived together for over one year, and had been officially dating for a few months, but i'd gotten used to coming home, having dinner together (or not), watching a movie, and cuddling/talking for a few hours. Now, i'm cuddling with my body pillow trying to ignore the fact that law school had officially taken over his life. I was really torn between understanding that law school is a huge commitment and he was stressed out and trying to get everything done, to feeling abandoned and put on the back burner. I made him breakfast, I gave him space, I gave him quiet and I didn't get anything in return.
Since that unpleasant transition, things have gotten much smoother. We've settled back into a routine, one that is a little more doable. Mondays, Tuesdays and Wednesdays are rough. I'm learning how to back off, to respect his space, and to not bug him when he's studying. He set me up with his old computer (mine doesn't work) and I found my old headphones, so I can watch movies. I got sucked into the Twilight books, and rediscovered my passion for reading which has been awesome. I've read a lot of books lately. I realized I was catering my schedule around him and that it wasn't healthy, so I purposely try to make plans with friends on these days because I have been neglecting them. I'm trying to make it clear that yes, I respect his need for quietness and everything while he's studying, but that the dining room is not his office and yes, it will be noisy sometimes.
I started having some serious doubts about our relationship last week, and he could tell when I got home that something was different. I'd read Gary Chapman's "The Five Love Languages." Religious or not, the book was helpful in that it laid out five simple languages that make people feel they are loved and how they love in return. It was good to read because it's the same thing in friendships, how do you show people you care about them? The concept is that there is a love tank, and when that tank is empty, that's when people are unhappy. When they figure out which "language" makes them feel most loved and the partner loves them in that way, the love tank will never be empty.
They are:
1. Words of affection: do you need someone giving you compliments, affirmation, saying "thank you" and "i appreciate when you...", encouraging words, sharing feelings and thoughts?
2. Quality time: do you need someone to spend time with you doing things you enjoy (NOT just sitting and watching a movie... something you do together where you interact), getting someones full attention, getting quality conversation, sympathetic listening, and/or expressing their thoughts and feelings and emotions?
3. Receiving gifts: do you need little reminders that someone loves you, feel unwanted if your partner doesn't make or get you anything, or need the partner to physically be with you in a time of crisis?
4. Acts of service: do you need someone who does things for you, who makes you breakfast, who cleans the house?
5. Physical touch: do you need someone who always wants a hug, initiates intimacy/physical touch, who holds you (or would you rather not be touched and be left alone) etc?
After reading it and highlighting like mad (with lots of notes), I was kind of disappointed to find that I don't speak one language. I don't think that's the point though, and I went back and reassessed. It is most important to me to have quality conversation, to feel appreciated, to spend time together, and to be affectionate. It hurts my feelings most when I don't get quality conversation, when he doesn't notice all the things I do for him, when he shuts himself off and I do n't get to spend time with him, and when is unresponsive to my hugs and neck rubs.
The upside to all of this though, is the weekends. I understand that Friday through Sunday he'll probably have 5 or so hours of reading to do each day, so we plan our hang out time around it. Since it's the weekend and he has 24 hour access to the law school, it's much more flexible.
Sometimes I get ahead of myself and freak out, wondering "is this what it's always going to be like? studying/working all the time, having to schedule time to hang out, never seeing him during the week and putting up with long hours and moodiness?" and the answer is, well, yes. I knew this before I got into it, it just took/takes time to adjust to the change. It's helpful when we talk about how we're feeling and how I respect his need to study, but that he can't just treat me like a roommate because i'm his girlfriend and need girlfriend attention. So I'm learning to appreciate that weekdays are my days to get things done by myself, and not to expect happy fun guy, but to look forward to the weekends when he has more time to spend with me and his/our friends when he's more relaxed and not as worried about school. I lucked out, in that my guy is pretty great at time management, and makes time (sometimes) during the week and always on the weekend.
I guess my biggest piece of advice is to just ride it through until a routine is started and you've settled into it. There were lots of tears the first three weeks, but I'm starting to feel more confident that things will be okay. Plus, I feel like I'm getting a secondhand education in law, because he talks about it ALL. THE. TIME. And it's nice to see someone you care about excited and invested in what they're doing.
But every time i hear "torts" i still think pastries.
I'll give a short re-cap. My guy started law school and after the first week, I realized just how different things were going to be. We live together, so for better or for worse, we're both around a lot. The first two to three weeks were the hardest. I would get home from work and want to talk and cuddle and hang out like we always did before. But he would be studying, moody, distant and needed quiet. I understood that, and it got to a point where I was literately hiding in my house because i felt he was angry and stressed all the time. I'd come home and hide out in my room and read, or purposely make plans so I wouldn't be home until after 8 or 9 at night, giving him a few hours to himself. I felt resentful that the time I had with him had been compromised so much.
I knew that he would have to study, and that it would take up most of his time. But I had no idea how drastic of a change it would be. Granted, we've been friends for over 5 years, lived together for over one year, and had been officially dating for a few months, but i'd gotten used to coming home, having dinner together (or not), watching a movie, and cuddling/talking for a few hours. Now, i'm cuddling with my body pillow trying to ignore the fact that law school had officially taken over his life. I was really torn between understanding that law school is a huge commitment and he was stressed out and trying to get everything done, to feeling abandoned and put on the back burner. I made him breakfast, I gave him space, I gave him quiet and I didn't get anything in return.
Since that unpleasant transition, things have gotten much smoother. We've settled back into a routine, one that is a little more doable. Mondays, Tuesdays and Wednesdays are rough. I'm learning how to back off, to respect his space, and to not bug him when he's studying. He set me up with his old computer (mine doesn't work) and I found my old headphones, so I can watch movies. I got sucked into the Twilight books, and rediscovered my passion for reading which has been awesome. I've read a lot of books lately. I realized I was catering my schedule around him and that it wasn't healthy, so I purposely try to make plans with friends on these days because I have been neglecting them. I'm trying to make it clear that yes, I respect his need for quietness and everything while he's studying, but that the dining room is not his office and yes, it will be noisy sometimes.
I started having some serious doubts about our relationship last week, and he could tell when I got home that something was different. I'd read Gary Chapman's "The Five Love Languages." Religious or not, the book was helpful in that it laid out five simple languages that make people feel they are loved and how they love in return. It was good to read because it's the same thing in friendships, how do you show people you care about them? The concept is that there is a love tank, and when that tank is empty, that's when people are unhappy. When they figure out which "language" makes them feel most loved and the partner loves them in that way, the love tank will never be empty.
They are:
1. Words of affection: do you need someone giving you compliments, affirmation, saying "thank you" and "i appreciate when you...", encouraging words, sharing feelings and thoughts?
2. Quality time: do you need someone to spend time with you doing things you enjoy (NOT just sitting and watching a movie... something you do together where you interact), getting someones full attention, getting quality conversation, sympathetic listening, and/or expressing their thoughts and feelings and emotions?
3. Receiving gifts: do you need little reminders that someone loves you, feel unwanted if your partner doesn't make or get you anything, or need the partner to physically be with you in a time of crisis?
4. Acts of service: do you need someone who does things for you, who makes you breakfast, who cleans the house?
5. Physical touch: do you need someone who always wants a hug, initiates intimacy/physical touch, who holds you (or would you rather not be touched and be left alone) etc?
After reading it and highlighting like mad (with lots of notes), I was kind of disappointed to find that I don't speak one language. I don't think that's the point though, and I went back and reassessed. It is most important to me to have quality conversation, to feel appreciated, to spend time together, and to be affectionate. It hurts my feelings most when I don't get quality conversation, when he doesn't notice all the things I do for him, when he shuts himself off and I do n't get to spend time with him, and when is unresponsive to my hugs and neck rubs.
The upside to all of this though, is the weekends. I understand that Friday through Sunday he'll probably have 5 or so hours of reading to do each day, so we plan our hang out time around it. Since it's the weekend and he has 24 hour access to the law school, it's much more flexible.
Sometimes I get ahead of myself and freak out, wondering "is this what it's always going to be like? studying/working all the time, having to schedule time to hang out, never seeing him during the week and putting up with long hours and moodiness?" and the answer is, well, yes. I knew this before I got into it, it just took/takes time to adjust to the change. It's helpful when we talk about how we're feeling and how I respect his need to study, but that he can't just treat me like a roommate because i'm his girlfriend and need girlfriend attention. So I'm learning to appreciate that weekdays are my days to get things done by myself, and not to expect happy fun guy, but to look forward to the weekends when he has more time to spend with me and his/our friends when he's more relaxed and not as worried about school. I lucked out, in that my guy is pretty great at time management, and makes time (sometimes) during the week and always on the weekend.
I guess my biggest piece of advice is to just ride it through until a routine is started and you've settled into it. There were lots of tears the first three weeks, but I'm starting to feel more confident that things will be okay. Plus, I feel like I'm getting a secondhand education in law, because he talks about it ALL. THE. TIME. And it's nice to see someone you care about excited and invested in what they're doing.
But every time i hear "torts" i still think pastries.
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
five reasons I am an awesome girlfriend
to a boyfriend who started law school orientation today.
1. last night when he said he wanted to go to bed early, I gave him lots of space and made the bed, and like a little boy, stroked his hair until he fell asleep when he said he was nervous about tomorrow.
2. even though he spent ALL NIGHT snoring, hitting me in his sleep (he must have been having really weird dreams), sleeping in the middle of the bed so I got pushed off, and yelling random things "don't turn off the ring tone!" (i don't understand that one) in his sleep, I, instead of pushing him over and waking him up to stop the snoring, pulled a Derek (from Grey's anatomy! mc dreamy!) and took my pillow and an alarm and slept in a different room until 5am when I conveniently snuck back into bed and he never knew that I was gone.
3. I got up at the ungodly hour of 6:20am when he woke up to keep him company while he got ready. I don't usually get up until 7:45.
4. I made him breakfast. I don't cook. i can't cook. when i cook, the kitchen becomes a war zone with things that usually end up charred or undercooked. I made him the best egg-cheese-salsa sandwich of my life, and even he agreed that it was tasty.
5. I'm making him a care package for his first day of actual classes. Included in this package:
- a tea kettle (he really wants one but doesn't own one. He drinks a lot of tea)
- blue books
- a pack of highlighters
- pens
- stapler
- a yearly planner
- bluebooks
- those flag things (like post its for books)
- a nice blue tie
I found this awesome shirt that says, "this is my lucky law school exam shirt" that I'll probably get him closer to test dates. :)
1. last night when he said he wanted to go to bed early, I gave him lots of space and made the bed, and like a little boy, stroked his hair until he fell asleep when he said he was nervous about tomorrow.
2. even though he spent ALL NIGHT snoring, hitting me in his sleep (he must have been having really weird dreams), sleeping in the middle of the bed so I got pushed off, and yelling random things "don't turn off the ring tone!" (i don't understand that one) in his sleep, I, instead of pushing him over and waking him up to stop the snoring, pulled a Derek (from Grey's anatomy! mc dreamy!) and took my pillow and an alarm and slept in a different room until 5am when I conveniently snuck back into bed and he never knew that I was gone.
3. I got up at the ungodly hour of 6:20am when he woke up to keep him company while he got ready. I don't usually get up until 7:45.
4. I made him breakfast. I don't cook. i can't cook. when i cook, the kitchen becomes a war zone with things that usually end up charred or undercooked. I made him the best egg-cheese-salsa sandwich of my life, and even he agreed that it was tasty.
5. I'm making him a care package for his first day of actual classes. Included in this package:
- a tea kettle (he really wants one but doesn't own one. He drinks a lot of tea)
- blue books
- a pack of highlighters
- pens
- stapler
- a yearly planner
- bluebooks
- those flag things (like post its for books)
- a nice blue tie
I found this awesome shirt that says, "this is my lucky law school exam shirt" that I'll probably get him closer to test dates. :)
Friday, August 8, 2008
5 more days
5 more days until orientation and already you could cut the tension with a knife. Yesterday was awful. I know from experience that when he gets tired, he gets cranky and when I want attention, it's a deadly combination. We had a fight and he walked away, later I told him I understand he's tired but not to take that out on me. I think he understood, and he confessed that he's really anxious about starting school. I can totally understand and I want to be here and be his support, but if every day is like yesterday, then yikes. And he hasn't even started school yet.
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
big changes ahead
T-minus 15 (14 really, I suppose) days until he starts law school and everything changes. Well, there are big changes besides that. We have a house! We're renting it, but it's big and beautiful and.... needs a LOT of work. Which at first, he was all gung ho for fixing it up while in school but we're both quickly realizing that's probably not going to happen. For fun's sake, we're taking a vacation this weekend to get away and have some R&R before the whirlwind of law school starts next month. I think we're both looking forward to it.
I'm still nervous about when he starts and how little I'll see of him/how little free time he'll have, but as for now, I'm going to appreciate the time we're spending together and the steady income we'll have for the next three weeks! :)
I'm still nervous about when he starts and how little I'll see of him/how little free time he'll have, but as for now, I'm going to appreciate the time we're spending together and the steady income we'll have for the next three weeks! :)
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